“I am sorry about what I said about you and my brother. That is in no way true, I was angry, so I spoke out of turn.” Loraine told me minutes after we settled at the bar. I kept shooting Ryan quick messages if he was okay, but, he wasn't responding to any of them. Maybe, what his sister said got to him, was my initial thought. But, the more I and Ryan got closer, the more I came to the realization that he might not have Sociopathy. The problem then now was, I didn't know what he exactly had that made his display of emotions different from others? I hope I found that out sooner than later, so our relationship could reach its full form with all the chemistry and sparks.

“It's okay, honestly. You were angry, so that was a way of venting it all out.” I assured her because one thing about me was I was not one to keep a grudge over petty things.

She laughed bitterly and said, “My brother was right though. I am an incredibly stupid person. A god-damned fool who ought to be branded as one.”

I reached out and placed my palm on hers and said, “Don't beat yourself too much. Everyone makes mistakes, so don't be too hard on yourself. It won't make you feel better, just a shit ton worse.”

At this she burst into tears and I pulled her into a hug and was rubbing her back to calm her down.

“You'll be fine, okay. Let it all out.” I encouraged her.

After minutes, she stopped crying and I released her from the hug. The only evidence of her crying session minutes ago was her red-rimmed eyes and her sniffing.

“In all honesty, the reason I was aggressive towards my brother was because I was ashamed that he saw me in such a vulnerable position. I told myself everyday since the relationship became sour that I would leave him. But, like a servant bound to its master, I couldn't find the will to leave and everyday it progressed. We all say we can never stand for abuse, but somehow, we find ourselves roped into it. It started with stylish insults, then to random outbursts, which he would apologize for and gaslight me into believing that it was because I constantly offended him. I tried my best to stay in line, but no matter what I did, it was always trash in his eyes. Then, he started micromanaging me and I became anxious in my own home. When Ryan kept asking me if everything was fine this afternoon, I really wanted to tell him. But, I was scared.” She admitted.

“Of what?" I asked her.

“Of him thinking that I wasn't smart enough and I always made stupid choices.” 

“But he isn't like that and you should know better.”

“Yeah, I do now. Now, I feel more embarrassed about everything that happened. The entire thing was just a shit show.”

“And there is room for amends. All you have to do is apologize to each other, air out your differences and it would be fine."

“I hear you.” She said, downing a shot of tequila. Seeing her doing this reminded me of my last work trip where I tried to down drinks to forget Ryan. Such stupid move on my part because he was actually in my head almost all the time.

“Do you know why I got so angry with Ryan in such an unreasonable manner?" She asked me after another shot of tequila. At this rate, I needed to look for Uber to take us home because I would be carrying her out of this place, that I was almost certain of.

“No.” I replied.

“My brother's heart is a funny thing. Sometimes, it feels so large that it can accommodate all the love in the world for me. But, on some other days, it seemed so small that I can't be squeezed in. It's for that reason I craved love, but, I have been so unlucky.” She whined in a cute baby voice that I knew the alcohol was now kicking in.

“Don't I know it?" The truth was I understood what she was trying to convey. There were times Ryan was so expressive with me, and all over me, but other times, he seemed standoffish and out of my reach. As if a barrier was separating us.

“But, he cares for you nonetheless, I see that side of him in his eyes. Whenever you come to the office, he might grumble, but I know he looks forward to it because he says ‘Loraine hasn't come to bug me today, hope she hasn't fallen down a stairs or something?’ I will tell you something my roommate once told me, or I watched in a movie with her, can't remember exactly. However, I learnt that some people are not declarative about their love, but you can see it in their actions and the way they treat you. They would always put you first, wouldn't want you to go through the slightest inconvenience, that is the way they love you. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't that the way Ryan is?”

“Yes! I remember when we were children, I lost my firetruck at the park and bawled my eyes out. He gave me his truck and said it was babyish anyway. But, I knew he did it because he cared in his own way and didn't want to see me sad.” 

“Exactly! So, rather than searching for that loud love, you deep in his actions, that is the definition of true love. It's nice to hear you are loved by your loved one, but if I was asked to pick one, I would pick been shown that love.” 

She raised both her hands and gave me a thumbs up while giggling, effect of the alcohol if that wasn't obvious already.

“You are the smartest Violet. I think you should be a therapist.,”

“No, thank you.” I replied and she started laughing, which I joined her for no reason.

After crackling so hard, till my belly hurt and tears were streaming down my cheeks, I wiped my face and brought my laughter back to a halt.

“We need to get going now. Before, I left your apartment, I promised Ryan I would bring you back in one piece and that I am going to do.” I said to her and tried to grab her, which she escaped my touch.

She blew air through her mouth in frustration and wagged a finger at me, “Pftt! No, we are not going. We're going to drink until the anger I feel in my chest is nothing but a full ache, do you get me?” She asked.

“No, I definitely do not get you. We are going now because I said to Ryan...”