Life is not as easy as we think it is. For others maybe, like those people who were born rich, they make think differently but for people like me, who are born ordinary and do not live in opulence, this is not the case.

Always struggling for everyday living, always thinking about how to stay alive each day. But can't even complain because nothing can be changed anyway.

I was not born wealthy, and I have a broken family. Treasures and possessions were nothing special to me but mere decorations. I can say that love is the real gem. But when it comes to our family, it is the hardest thing that we can't acquire.

Love? We don't have that. I don't know why. But maybe it's just not for us. A great treasure that we never had for ages now, and maybe until the end.

My dad left me when I was just 8 years old and eventually found someone else and married her years later. Mom, however, was still clinging to the idea that we will still get back together to what we used to be. And that's an absurd idea that will never happen. After months of living just with her and without dad, I slowly became physically insightful but painfully invisible. I was merely living up to her shadows. Knowing nothing but to just hide and live in the darkness.

But despite living in this bittersweet situation of mine, I ought to make this life worthy and happy just how it should be. I don't want to hide forever. I'm tired of hiding. I just want to live my life to the fullest, be contented, and be happy. That's exactly how it should be. My life is more than what I deserved.

So without depending too much on them, I strived hard for myself. I have lived on my own when I turned 16. I don't want to be a burden to my mom anymore, even though I know that she doesn't care.

Trying to at least erase several wistful remnants of my past, I put up a pretty facade. Within the smiles, I made each day were the tears I never shed at night. The mask that I wear every day is the only thing that keeps me alive today.

Often misunderstood, I was thought of as a happy-go-lucky since I was a teenager. Thanks to my parents for giving me such a wonderful attitude to be a great pretender and hide what I feel and who I am. They mistook pain for pleasure and silent sobs for courage. And I became what they expected of me. I pretended that I'm happy. I pretended as I care. But I don't.

For numerous years I spent in this crazy world, nobody has seen the girl behind this mask that I kept wearing --- even my so-called friends. I'm trying my absolute best to hide it as much possible as I can.
"You know what Kein, you should tell your parents about it," my friend Layla told me.

We are currently in my apartment right now fixing my things and cleaning my room because I was so busy that I don't even have the time to do it.

"There is no way I would tell them. And they don't seem to mind if I say so.

They don't even give a damn about me."

"You wouldn't know if you don't try."

"That's why I didn't bother to try asking for their help because I already know the answer. I just gotta take my life into my own hands.

I'm having a mid-life crisis right now. I'm busy thinking about where to get money to pay the rent of my apartment. I haven't paid my landlord for almost 2 months now because I got fired from the restaurant I was recently working for no reason. It's already my 3rd job for this month.

And I never last long at any of my jobs. I'm not sure; I'm trying, but it appears that bad luck is following me.

"Yeah whatever, says the girl who doesn't have any kind of plan for the future. You are already 26 and you don't even have a boyfriend, girl."

It was true, I didn't have any set plans for the future. It was very tough for me since my parents got divorced. I had a boyfriend once, and we lasted for almost 5 years but we broke up because he cheated on me with some girl whom he met in a bar. That motherfucker.

"For now I don't. But just because I don't have any plans, for now, doesn't mean I don't have a plan for my future also. Besides, having a boyfriend in this kind of situation will do nothing good for me. Well, there is actually, headache." I laughed at the last sentence I said.

"You sounded like you are so smart."
"It's because I am."

We both laughed as we continue to finish fixing and cleaning everything.

"So what's your plan now by the way?" she asked while trying to get a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"Haven't thought of it yet but maybe I'll just look for another job."

"Want me to come with you?"
"I appreciate your effort Layla but no thanks. You'll just exhaust yourself."

"Well if you say so. Anyways, don't be late for our gig tomorrow okay. Maddy the monster will get mad at you if you'll come late again," she said and laughed.
"Don't worry. I won't be late. I will be there half an hour early as you guys."

I looked up at the clock, it was around 5 pm now. Gladly, we already finished everything.

Layla bid farewell to return home because she appears to be going somewhere else. After she left, I took a quick shower then threw myself on the bed. I need to get a night of sleep because I'm so tired. I grabbed the clock sitting on the table, set the alarm to wake me up. I just need to rest to freshen up and enlighten myself. I had two alarm clocks, one in my room and one right next to the couch outside my bedroom. There are days that I fell asleep on the couch because when I get home at night, I'm so tired from work that I can't go straight to my bedroom.
I fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes.